F*ck you drivers, f*ck the lot of you

I have had enough of f*cking motorists. Car drivers, bus drivers, lorry drivers, vans, taxis the f*cking lot of you. Basically you have left me with pretty much no option but to assume that every single one of you is a self righteous c*nt with no regards for the laws of this country who lack the fundamental regard for the safety of other human beings necessary to enable you to be considered anything other than an utter w*nker.

 

From now on I take the fight to you. The battle is joined and this is a call to arms to all cyclists to exploit the full power of the law and the highway code to f*ck over the motor vehicle c*nts and by force take the necessary action to achieve and maintain the safety that is by rights ours.

 

Drivers, stop harping on about “cyclists jumping red lights”. Come back when you no longer speed. Come back when you no longer jump red lights or gamble on amber. Come back when you stop parking on double yellow lines, when you stop blocking cycle lanes and when you stop cutting cyclists up.

 

And yes, you c*nts, you can stop complaining about us using headphones when we cycle. F*ck you. What, you think a deaf person could not ride a bike, or that for some reason we have to listen out for you hammering up the road behind us as you sing along to you f*cking stereo? Come back and complain when you no longer eat whilst driving, when you no longer treat your sh*tty car as a mobile beauty salon, when you stop smoking whilst driving, when you no long listen to music whilst driving and most of all, f*ck the f*ck off until you learn to stop using you phone whilst driving. How f*cking thick are you?

 

Finally, you can stop moaning about paying “road tax”. You haven’t paid road tax since 1937. You don’t pay anywhere near enough to cover the cost of building or maintaining roads, it comes out of the general taxation you f*cking morons. Cyclists pay the same income tax as every other road user, the same VAT and every other tax including council tax. You raise a paltry contribution from your sh*tty little tax disk which gives you f*ck all rights compared to a cyclist. If anything, cyclists are the ones being ripped off, you love those f*cking motorways don’t you, speeding all over the place, well we can’t use those can we? Yet we pay for them. We get a tiny sliver on a tiny fraction of the roads called a cycle lane that you totally disregard anyway. So f*ck off moaning about your subsidised roads, that we pay for.

 

So what action do I intend to take. Well, given that the c*nts in cars continuously forget that a cyclist has every right to be on the road, they need reminding. It isn’t “your” lane you ignorant c*nts, it’s just “the lane” and if I am in front of your sh*tty car, you can f*cking get behind me and wait. If I choose to move over and give you some extra room, consider yourself lucky for the consideration I have shown you, but as you all seem to want us dead you can go f*ck yourselves.

 

I have every right to take the lane, the whole lane and leave you no room. If I want, I can cycle alongside my mate two abreast and there is f*ck all, f*cking f*ck all that you can do about it. So f*ck you. You can beep your horn, flash your lights and shout abuse. I do not give a f*ck. Get behind me and stay there until it is safe to overtake.

 

Being safe to overtake doesn’t mean swerving round me like a c*nt. It means giving me the same room you would any other road vehicle. That means leaving the lane, moving into the next and going round me properly.

 

I am advised to use cycle lanes and the cycle boxes at junction, so you can get the f*ck out of those. And yes, I will f*ck you over by pulling in front of you at junctions and traffic lights and taking as long as I like to pull away. You can stop the f*cking revving and the tutting. You don’t want me getting ahead by jumping the lights, so you can f*cking wait.

 

So f*ck you. Go read the f*cking highway code. Try rule 140 w*nker https://www.gov.uk/general-rules-all-drivers-riders-103-to-158/multilane-carriageways-133-to-143, that’s the one that tells you to keep the f*ck out of cycle lanes, at all times, all the f*cking time. Or try these , which reminds you that you are responsible for taking extra care to look out for me, you are the one supposed to give me room and that you are in the f*cking wrong every f*cking time https://www.gov.uk/road-users-requiring-extra-care-204-to-225/motorcyclists-and-cyclists-211-to-213  or this https://www.gov.uk/using-the-road-159-to-203/overtaking-162-to-169.

 

So you c*nts in cars, when you comply with all of that, come back and moan about jumping red lights until then. F*ck off.